Financial Red Flags Before Marrying Someone: What I Wish More Couples Talked About Before Saying “I Do”
Before you get to the list below, let me ask you a question.
Have you ever come across couples who seem to be perfect together but constantly fight about finances?
Unfortunately, this scenario is more common than most of us would like to admit.
When it comes to marriage, people tend to think about love, compassion, connection, and family values. These aspects are indeed essential, but there is one critical aspect that some couples fail to consider – money.
The reason for marital financial disputes is usually not because one of the partners earns significantly less than the other. It is because people often fail to discuss their financial expectations and behaviors before getting married.
Some couples, for instance, may have mismatched financial priorities. One partner may have always been a saver while the other has been a spender. If these differences are not considered before marriage, it is highly likely that these couples will face financial disagreements after marriage.
This article aims to shed light on the red flags in a prospective spouse’s financial behavior that can cause relationship problems in the future.
Why Financial Priorities Are Not As Simple As You Think
Marriage is about finding someone special to you, not necessarily finding someone who can earn six-figure salaries.
It is critical that the two people in a relationship share financial expectations and deal with financial disagreements in a mature manner.
After all, differences in financial behaviors can cause more harm than the differences in religious beliefs or lack of patriotism.
For instance, if one partner wants to buy a house while the other prefers to spend the money earned on luxury watches, it is only a matter of time before such disagreements arise.
If couples do not understand and accept each other’s financial behaviors, these differences have the potential to become a major relationship issue.
Common Red Flags in a Prospective Spouse’s Financial Behavior
Below are some of the major red flags in a prospective spouse’s financial behavior that can cause serious problems in a relationship:
1. They Are Not Comfortable Talking about Finances
Do you and your prospective spouse always change the topic when the discussion revolves around personal finances?
If yes, this should be a major concern. After all, couples need to hold open and honest discussions about every aspect of their finances.
The topic of finances is not comfortable for most people
Therefore, people tend to avoid any discussions about personal finances. This avoidance, however, is dangerous and irresponsible because such behavior leads to the development of financial disagreements.
Before you get engaged or married, make sure you and your partner can discuss the following topics openly:
a. Personal income
b. Personal expenses
c. Debts
d. Savings
e. Major financial goals
f. Family planning (this includes discussions about how much you are willing to spend on education, etc.)
If the discussion about these topics can trigger your prospective spouse’s anxiety, this may be a major relationship concern.
2. They Have Hidden Debts
It is completely normal for people to have debts.
Most people, for instance, have student loans or personal loans. Some people may also have medical bills or credit card debts.
Having debts, however, should be perfectly clear to a prospective spouse. Hidden debts can become a major relationship concern.
For instance, some people may keep their debts a secret in order to create the illusion that they are financially stable.
Such people, for instance, may keep their credit card bills secret so that it appears they do not have any debts.
If debts become public later on, these financial obligations can turn into a major source of disagreements between spouses.
One of the best ways to avoid this problem is to make sure you understand your prospective spouse’s financial commitments.
3. They Spend More Than They Earn
Thanks to social media, spending more than you earn appears to be the ‘norm’.
People are constantly posting videos and pictures about exotic vacations and designer clothing. What these people do not post (or fail to admit) is that they are spending way more than they can afford to.
Some people may earn six-figure salaries but still feel broke because they fail to spend the money strategically.
On the same note, some people may earn lower salaries but live much better lives if they spend the money wisely.
Ultimately, income alone does not determine your future. It is your spending behaviors that determine your financial future.
The following factors can help you determine if your prospective spouse spends more than they earn:
a. Do they shop online frequently?
b. Are they always interested in buying things for the sake of bragging?
c. Do they only pay the minimum monthly payment on their credit cards?
d. Do they always have to ask for a second job?
e. Are they always saying, “I will start worrying about money in a few years”?
All of these behaviors can be warning signs that indicate that a prospective spouse spends more than they earn.
It is important to let them enjoy their money but ensure their financial behaviors are sustainable in the long run.
A Real-Life Example
Mark received a significant salary increment which increased his monthly income by around $900. Instead of saving this additional income, Mark decided to get a new car, rent a bigger apartment, and buy new furniture. Six months later, Mark was surprised to find that his new salary barely covered his expenses.
4. They Have No Emergency Fund
We live in a world where people fail to plan because they assume all of their needs and desires will be met automatically.
Unfortunately, this mindset often leads to financial distress because life rarely goes according to our plans.
Life throws curve balls at us at the most unexpected times.
It is not uncommon for people to face health emergencies, lose their jobs, get involved in car accidents, and deal with other unpleasant surprises.
If couples do not have sufficient emergency funds, these unpleasant surprises can lead to devastating financial consequences.
An emergency fund simply refers to the amount of money that couples or individuals are willing to save in case of an emergency.
Most financial experts agree that emergency funds should be enough to support people for three to six months.
Regardless of how much money you earn, it is critical that you have a financial cushion that can help you get through hard times.
A Real-Life Example
Carlos and Mia only got married eight months ago. One day, Carlos suddenly lost his job due to a technical error. Since the two had no emergency fund, they had to rely on credit cards to pay monthly bills. By the time Carlos got a new job, the Carlos and Mia had to pay off thousands of dollars in credit card debt.
According to Mia,
“The fact that I lost my job was heartbreaking but the bigger issue was the credit card debt we accrued.”
5. They Constantly Borrow Money From Friends or Family
Unfortunately, every individual at some point in time faces financial difficulties. Whether they lose a well-paid job, have an emergency, or are diagnosed with a disease, they may be forced to turn to family members or close friends for financial help.
There is nothing wrong or shameful about receiving assistance when one is in need. The main difference is that there are some people who have bad financial habits, and borrowing money from other individuals becomes the only way of resolving their issues.
Therefore, a spouse with poor financial literacy may turn to his parents for help, then to his friend, then to his colleague, and then to you. It only becomes a problem when borrowing money turns to be a regularly occurring event. You should begin asking questions when one of the following occasions appears:
Did your partner repay the money they borrowed?
Do they have a plan to prevent similar occasions from happening in the future?
Is it always someone else who rescues you from financial trouble?
Marriage should not be a constant search for a hero who will rescue one from financial struggles.
Real-Life Example
Jake had a good, stable, and well-paid job. However, he always ran out of money by the middle of the month. Instead of analyzing his expenditures and finding a way to cut costs, Jake borrowed some money every month from his younger brother. His future wife never worried about this, as the amounts were relatively small. However, Jake continued to do the same thing after they got married. Eventually, Jake began investing the shared income in the repayment of his personal debts. His wife admitted that it was not the amounts that bothered her, but the fact that she had no idea about the details of her own life.
6. They Keep Financial Secrets
Most people agree that cheating is a severe problem in a relationship, but they do not consider financial dishonesty to be one. Unfortunately, couples who lack financial transparency keep secrets from each other about:
Credit cards
Loans
Earnings
Gambling
Purchases
These deceptions usually begin with relatively harmless lies such as “I will tell you about this next week” or “You do not need to know about this.” Over time, these deceptions transform into severe issues regarding big-ticket purchases and unmanageable debts.
A loving couple will not always ask for permission before making a purchase, but they will not keep financial secrets from each other. Imagine the following scenario: you see that your spouse bought a new car and think that they have managed to save up for it. A few months later, you find out that they took a six-year personal loan to buy it, and now you have to pay an additional amount every month.
7. Gambling or Constantly Chasing “Easy Money”
Most people are enthusiastic about earning additional money, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, there are individuals for whom the thrill of obtaining fast money transforms into obsession. They invest their hard-earned savings in virtually everything: from sports betting to online casinos and cryptocurrencies. It is essential to understand that profitable investments are made not at random but with careful analysis of all the details.
People tend to forget that high risk is associated with high returns, and they continue to invest in things they barely comprehend. It is vital not to confuse thorough research with unwise risks.
Real-Life Example
Nathan started investing in online trading platforms after watching many videos on the subject. He soon earned several hundred bucks and became convinced that he could continue doing so. One day, he decided not to waste his hard-earned money on rent and invested it in trading instead, hoping to get twice as much to cover the costs. Unfortunately, the market moved in the opposite direction, and the man began to lose money rapidly. In just three months, he ended up losing almost 12 thousand dollars and a large amount of stress.
8. You Have Completely Different Money Values
It is normal for individuals to have different financial priorities. While one person may dream of retiring on a beach, another may want to travel around the world. In contrast, one partner wants to stay at home and play computer games, while the other strives to pursue a career. However, there should be at least a basic understanding of each other’s desires.
Let us take, for example, a situation where one person dreams of buying a house, while the other plans to spend all the money on traveling. Neither of them realizes how difficult it will be for them to give up the long-awaited dream when the time comes. This could have been avoided if they were honest about their desires and discussed how realistic they are.
A Conversation Worth Having
Instead of blaming one or another about the money spent, it is worthwhile to have an honest conversation about what each person wants in five years. Chances are, the answers will surprise you, as most people do not put much thought into analyzing their desires and financial values.
Real-Life Example
Sophia always dreamed of buying her own house before she turned thirty. Daniel, her fiancé, did not see the sense in this since he preferred to live in the here and now. Every year, he went on expensive vacations; Sophia, for her part, saved money to buy real estate. When the day came, and Daniel realized how much money he would have to give up, he told Sophia that he would rather spend the money on traveling and visiting many countries. This was the final conversation for the couple, and they decided to postpone their trips for a couple years so they could buy the house of their dreams.
9. They Ignore Bills Until the Last Minute
Most people dread paying bills, but it is one of those things one simply has to do. You will undoubtedly have many more reasons to pay bills on time if you continue to ignore them and wait until the last minute to pay them. For instance, late fees, poor credits, poor rates, and additional stress are just some of the reasons why you should be more disciplined. Some people fail to pay bills on time because they simply cannot afford to, while others suffer from financial anxiety. Either way, a mature relationship will hardly develop when one is constantly under financial pressure. A loving relationship will flourish only if a couple is financially responsible and pays their utility bills on time.
A Small Habit That Makes a Big Difference
Many couples who live comfortably have one thing in common: they set aside one evening per month to analyze their financial situation together. This habit only took them half an hour, but it helped them stay on track with their bills and other expenses. In addition, an honest conversation with oneself and one’s partner can be much more informative than analyzing the bank balance.
10. They Refuse to Follow Any Kind of Budget
One of the most common financial misconceptions is that a budget only restricts you and prevents you from buying what you like. People who refuse to follow a budget believe that they have a perfect understanding of their own income and expenditure flows and do not need to build a system to track them. In reality, a properly designed budget will make it much easier to save money without putting a strain on your nervous system.
First of all, it is essential to remember that you do not have to use any particular app or program to track your expenditures; you can use a simple Excel table or even hand-written notes. Even just writing down your income and expenses at the end of the month will help you see where your money goes.
Real-Life Example
Olivia and Chris both had well-paid jobs, and they made more than 110 thousand USD per year together. Nevertheless, something was always missing, and the couple was always broke. One weekend, they decided to take a closer look at their expenses and found that most of their money went to small pleasures: dining at restaurants, online services, unnecessary purchases, and coffee. After they analyzed all their expenses in great detail, they decided to give up some of the less important things instead of giving up their entire dreams. In just twelve months, they were able to save enough money for an apartment down payment.
By now, you have seen most of the red flags that may appear in your partner’s financial life before marriage.
However, even though some issues seem crucial, it does not mean you should give up on the relationship.
Everybody makes financial mistakes in their lifetime, especially those who studied economics in college.
Think about what they did wrong in the past and whether they are trying to avoid similar errors in the future.
11. They Never Take Responsibility for Their Mistakes
Have you ever talked to a person who seems to think that they always have an excuse for their mistakes?
Maybe they blame the recession, their boss, their parents, or even their best friend.
You cannot deny some circumstances are out of their control, but if a person has too many debts and poor credit rating, they should take responsibility for their financial life.
Even if they made a mistake, admitting it and learning from it is a crucial step toward improvement.
A Real-Life Example
Once, a man named Kevin lost thousands of his savings by investing in a scam.
Instead of lying to his fiancée, he told her the truth and explained his plan for repaying the loan.
In the future, they both would have to cut unnecessary expenses for a year to make up for his error.
However, his fiancée did not blame him for losing the money.
She was glad he was honest about the mistake and would not make similar financial errors in the future.
12. They Have No Plan for the Future
You do not need to have a comprehensive strategy before marriage, but some basic ideas concerning your financial future are necessary.
You and your partner should discuss whether you want to buy a house, save up for retirement, and have children.
Additionally, you should have an idea of how you see your life in five or ten years.
Of course, it is normal to have no plan, but remember that the fewer goals you have, the fewer you achieve.
It is also essential to compromise and understand each other’s priorities.
13. They Are Not Willing to Learn
Some people are not familiar with budgeting because they were never taught that.
It is not their fault, but it should not be an excuse for ignoring personal finance and investing essentials.
A partner who openly admits they do not know much about money matters but is willing to learn is preferable to someone who knows everything but is too arrogant to improve their skills.
A Small Story
When Jessica got married, she realized she had no idea how to create a family budget.
However, instead of worrying about it, she and her husband spent half an hour every Sunday discussing their finances.
Although they made many mistakes at the beginning, they learned how to create an emergency fund, pay off their credit card debt, and start saving for retirement.
What Is a Financial Green Flag?
After discussing potential deal-breakers, it is time to talk about financial red flags.
Below, you can see some of the qualities you should look for in a financially stable partner.
They Are Honest
You rarely have financial concerns when your partner is transparent about their income and expenses.
Even if you have disagreements, you know they speak the truth.
They Live Within Their Means
They enjoy their earnings without feeling like they need to earn more to feel successful.
They understand the difference between something they want and something they need.
They Save, Even If They Have No Idea How Much They Should Save
The ability to save is crucial, and a person who puts aside money for their future, even if it is only one percent of their income, can be considered financially stable.
They Are Willing to Collaborate
Marriage is not a competition, so you and your partner should make joint financial decisions.
They Will Make You Discuss Every Detail of Your Finances
A Simple Financial Checklist for Couples Before Marriage
Before getting married, discuss as many financial issues as possible.
Do you know about each other’s liabilities?
Are you comfortable talking about money?
What are your goals?
How will you handle monthly bills?
What will you do if you become unemployed?
Do you want to save money for emergencies?
Are there any financial obligations you do not know about?
Some topics may seem unpleasant, but honest conversations will help you prevent future financial disputes.
Love Is Not Enough for a Successful Marriage
Many people forget that love is only one part of a lasting relationship.
Marriage is a commitment that involves many responsibilities and challenges, including financial ones.
That is why it is essential to have honest conversations with your partner about money.
If they made a mistake, but they are trying to improve their financial literacy, openly discuss your concerns and plan your future moves.
If you feel like your partner is hiding something, do not get married before thinking through all the details.
Financial compatibility is crucial, but it is not enough.
You should find someone who loves you, supports you, and wants to build a strong and stable relationship instead of focusing only on their needs.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I marry a person with debts?
A person who has debts can be a financially compatible partner if they are honest and responsible.
They should have a realistic plan for repaying their liabilities.
How Often Should Couples Talk About Finance?
It is advisable to have financial discussions with your partner at least once a month.
That way, you can talk about your expenses, savings, upcoming bills, and long-term goals.
What Is the Most Common Financial Red Flag Before Marriage?
According to personal finance experts, financial dishonesty is the most common and perilous red flag before marriage.
It is easier to pay off debts and increase your income than to rebuild trust.
Can Couples with Different Spending Habits Marry?
Of course, but they should talk about their concerns and set realistic financial goals.
If you want to know the money budgeting then you should read this post
